Free Thizzy: March 2010

If you think you've never been with a woman who has faked it, think again. I can promise you, 99.9% of women have done so at least once. Why do we fake it? Not because we want to, I assure you. We'd much rather have an earth-shattering evening, believe me. But sometimes it's just not going to happen, and that's where faking comes in.
We don't do it to hurt your feelings, we actually do it to spare them. And we don't do it all the time (unless you're really, really bad in bed) so don't get paranoid; it's unlikely we'd sleep with you if you were that crap in the sack. If you'd like to know when she's faking, the following signs are usually a giveaway.

She's overacting like someone in a bad Hustler film.

You might really be that good in bed, and if you are, please feel free to introduce yourself to me at your earliest convenience. Odds are, however, that you're not really rocking her world to the nth degree, and she's putting on the show she thinks you want to see. This is particularly common with very inexperienced women who don't actually know how good it can be without pretending. Therefore, if your woman is carrying on like nobody's business, you probably have a faker on your hands.

You don't feel the contractions.

If you don't know what this means, you're either a virgin, or you've never taken a woman to her happy place. If she's not faking it, there will be distinct contractions in the kitty area. They don't have to be super powerful, but they will be noticeable.

She's not breathing heavily.

If she's not faking it, her body will react by increasing her heart rate and respirations. It will be involuntary and is not something she can turn on and off. In fact, it actually gets worse when trying to control it. If she's consistently panting away, you've hit the right button.

She's kissing and cuddling up to the last minute.

woman on the verge loses total control of herself. If you kiss her passionately, she'll try to return it, but if things are really going well, she's not going to be able to do much more than pant, moan and scream. If she can, she's either faking, or she's an alien.

skin is cool to the touch and not flushed.

Body temperature is one of those giveaways we can't consciously moderate. A good night in the sack will make a woman's temperature increase and make her skin flush a nice rosey color that says she's just been given a good seeing to. If she's cool to the touch throughout the love fest, she's faking it.